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| 3 June 1993 |
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| Cheryl B. Horton 6420 Orleans Avenue New Orleans, LA 70124 |
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| Re: Current Events |
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| Dear Cheri: |
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| DEAD TREES |
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| I have long been concerned about environmental issues. Despite what Rush Limbaugh says, I think the ozone layer is being depleted. It has always been my view that mixing up hundreds of new chemicals every year and releasing them into the environment without knowing what they will do to the air, water and those things, like us, that live therein is plain crazy. And although I have never been a full-fledged conservationist, my awareness of man's effect on Earth's ecosystems has increased with my interest in birds. |
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| My tree-hugging, however, is not limitless. Two words: Plastic wood. I cannot handle plastic which has been shaped, colored, textured and sold as some form of natural or processed plantlife. Flowers, houseplants, Christmas trees, desk, chairs, doors: all are available in hydrocarbon-based synthetics in various stains and grains that look remarkably like stained and wood-grained plastic.
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| Plastic Christmas trees are abhorrent, but even my wife uses plastic garland. Which is my real beef. |
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| The best thing about plastic garland is it never dies. This is also the worst. |
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| Denise's logic goes thusly: Since the garland she draped over the entrance to our home and as window trimming in the living and dining rooms will not die, she never has to take it down. |
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| As last Mardi Gras approached, I asked Denise if it wouldn't be wise to take down the Christmas decorations. She responded by entwining purple ribbon into the garland, already festooned with gold ribbon for Christmas, and calling it Mardi Gras decorations.
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| I was afraid she might buy little American flags to poke into in the garland for Memorial Day, so I ripped down what was on the front door. But still hanging in our living and dining rooms are strands of garland, flagless, but as green as the day she tacked them up.
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| The American flags would have been a nice touch. Appropriate for the Fourth of July and Labor Day, the garland could have remained undisturbed until little pumpkins were placed where flags once sat. Then little turkeys. Then, hey, 'tis again the season. |
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| I'm certain no spotted owls nest in garland trees or bushes or whatever garland comes from. Anyhow, I'm ready to sacrifice whatever type of plantlife produces it so that it can be removed from my door when it becomes brown and the needles collect on the floor beneath it in little piles. |
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| On a recent Saturday morning, to gather supplies for a weekend project, I traveled to a lumber yard, where real dead trees are sold. While there, I noticed a display of dark green shutters which looked perfect to replace the rotting ones on our shed. Only $35.00 a pair with a ten year warranty. Perfect. They are . . . uhhh . . . plastic. |
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| NOT TOO MUCH OFF THE SIDES |
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| Now the flap is over a lawyer named Lani. This broil has nothing to do with her nanny. Into the hat as next civil rights chief Clinton tossed her name before reading her brief. |
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| Many in D.C. expressed their dismay At what this liberal lady might say When power she has to enforce her view That black moguls we have in numbers too few. |
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| Not that our senators want minorities kept down, But Ms. Guinier believes policy should frown On every rule that does not allow Clear advantage for non-whites somehow. |
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| My interest is piqued not by her leftish bent, But whether she'll go as others Bill sent To congress for approval with wishy-washy backing Only to retreat when critics started flacking. |
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| With more than nominees has Bill acted iffy, Such as campaign pacts voters thought spiffy. He said our army should take fighters though gay, Then backstroke he did when Nunn said, "No way." |
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| From many a stump he spewed his belief That middle-class folks should get relief, And hope he did stir in Haitians on boats Now one wonders if it was only for votes. |
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| But on one issue Bill refuses to sway: Flyers at L.A. won't soon forget the day When on runway they waited seemingly for years For Bill to say, "Trim please, just over the ears." |
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| More Later, |
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| David J. L'Hoste |
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| DJL/djl |
| cc: Bernard A. Horton Russell B. Ramsey Denise F. L'Hoste Paul D. Cordes Adrian C. Benjamin, Jr. Julie Yoedicke |